In our attempt to educate our patients we have found that sometimes humor works better than relaying research papers or how to be healthy tips. We decided to take a sarcastic approach this week and list all the worst things you can do to your spine and assemble it into a “What not to do to your spine top 10 list. We hope you enjoy and please do not actually do any of the behaviors in the following list.
- Do your best not to follow the care plan recommended by your Chiropractor. Ideally miss at least every other appointment and do so without contacting the office so we have no idea what happened to you.
- Forget the recommendations for that your Chiropractor gave you to do at home. If it was really important you would be doing it in the office. You definitely do not want to stretch tight muscles or strengthen your core. You want to keep your joints nice and vulnerable to re-injury.
- We know that normal range of motion is beneficial to the healing process for injuries so try to remain as immobile as possible. Sitting for extended periods, no less than 4 hours is a great starting point. For added injury try using a laptop that is set well below your eye line, that way you can strain your neck and back at the same time.
- Following your extended sitting of no less than 4 hours, immediately scan the room and locate the largest and heaviest piece of furniture you can find. Next try lifting it all by yourself, preferably without using your legs, just your low back. When lifting make sure to pull upwards in a quick twisting motion, that way your low back has no protection and you are more likely to have severe pain shortly.
- If you’re not injured by now try this. As soon as you feel the slightest improvement in pain, immediately stop Chiropractic care, and resume all your previous physical activity. Rock climbing, water skiing and bull riding are all fine choices. There’s no reason to wait for your body to fully heal, you’re probably fine.
- If you do feel any soreness or stiffness, consider cracking your own neck or back. You’re basically your own Chiropractor, no diploma needed. Use as much force as possible and attempt to get as many “pops” as you can. This will ensure your injuries never heal in correctly and that you will have a nice arthritis base as you get older.
- Hydration is important for injury healing as your tissues are mainly water. So it would be best if you stopped drinking water completely. Make sure to get most of your fluids from soda, coffee, the occasional energy drink and alcohol (assuming you’re of age, of course). This will ensure that you are dehydrated, inflamed and in as much pain as possible. Good for you.
- Being well rested is a key component to healing. With that in mind make yourself as sleep deprived as possible. Sleep no more than 5 hours per day. In addition watch something unsettling prior to bed such as the 10 o’clock news. Also play on your phone or tablet just before getting shut eye, that way your brain will be nice and alert when you try to relax.
- We know that proper blood flow is necessary for healing tissue damage. Therefore consider limiting your oxygen intake by smoking cigarettes. Smoking will ensure that your injuries heal at a snail’s pace. As a bonus you get to increase your risk of cancer and false teeth.
- Keeping your inflammation low is important to manage pain sensitivity. With this in mind eat only foods that are highly processed and full of sugar. Consider starting your day off with a balanced breakfast of pop tarts, fruit loops, and sugary juice.
If you find yourself chuckling while reading this list then there’s a chance you can relate to at least some of these or know someone who does. Identifying bad habits is part of the solution. Do your very best to not do any of the behaviors listed in our not top ten and if you have any questions, consult your healthcare provider. This list is satire and not to be taken as medical advice.